So here it is, the truth about my dad and his lies. Well, I wouldn’t say lies as it seems harsh, and this is pretty damn hilarious. Family meals with school friends were always a treat, or new boyfriends coming by and mum and I being in on the joke and dad comes up with some funny untrue stories. I really feel this makes your day 10X better and also makes the people laugh that are around you. Enjoy!
“While chatting to a colleague I soon realized he was telling me a load of crap so I hatched a plan to do the same, firstly I started with telling him I went to oxford university to study “nuclear phisics” then worked as a physicist at sizewell for 25yrs. I then added on to this that i became a “professor at oxford” for another ten years or so, he then asked how I ended up in engineering I said I got bored thus ending up in this job at my age of 43 he believed every word.”-No wonder I get people saying me “you’re dad is amazing! No, he’s just a good liar.
“Another one was a girl was chatting to me saying how much she liked drinking gin I then told her I didn’t drink due to losing my wife to drink, she hesitated then apologized profusely I then informed her that my wife got run over by a Guinness truck.” – My mum didn’t needless to say, enjoy this joke as much as dad and I did.
“While getting annoyed by a “know it all” apprentice I referred to past experience of prison, he asked me what I was in for and I told him manslaughter. As his face drained of colour he asked how long for I replied 12 months but should have got 20 yrs as the victim needed a good kicking, he wasn’t cocky after that.” – This is why dating is hard for me, I leave them for a second with dad and they vanish.
“A girl kept starring at me then asked me where she knew me from, whilst noticing her husband coming over I said it may have been from when I was a male escort and stripper. She froze for a couple of seconds then spurted out she’s a married woman and never did that sort of thing, un be knowing to her I knew her husband and he knew I was on a wind up.”-This makes “family outings” impossible, honestly.
Remember! Never take life to seriously! And jusy have a bit of fun!:)