As you can see from the title, this post is going to be about forgiving, forgetting and the most important moving forward. Sometimes in life we come across situations where we need to forgive and forget and then move forward, but often its not that simple; we tend to find our selves holding on and greatly increasing the pain and anger it maybe causing us. Life throws precarious situations or people into our lives, causing emotions to run high and words to be thrown ending in heartaches and headaches. Put your hand up if you’ve ever experienced this?
We all tell ourselves the same things, ‘whats the use in worrying about it’ or ‘I’m fine, it doesn’t bother me’. When secretly it does and its been sitting on us for months. Deep down we all know we need to forgive, forget and take the steps forwards of moving on but its hard. Especially if we’ve been hurt or we’ve hurt someone. So I thought I would use my past experiences and share with you some of the tips I’ve learnt and gained, and trust me they really put stuff into perspective.
- Forgiving. Yes, I know at the moment this seems like the last thing you want to do, but trust me on this you will feel a whole lot better when you do. Carrying around a large pile of anger and resentment is only hurting you. Forgiving the person who hurt you, weather on purpose or unwittingly, has feelings too and may only feel the guilt of creating you pain. Remember this, everyone carries around some amount of pain with them and this has an influence on the decision they make, even you. Now, this doesn’t allow them the privilege of being thoughtless and insensitive, however make it easier for us to see where they are coming from… So how do you begin to even think about forgiving them?
Simple, look at them like this: Place yourself in their shoes and imagine how much you’d want the forgiveness if it had been you making the mistake. Or, you’re not forgiving them for them, but for yourself. It’s easier to let go than to hang on. Or, this one I found on the tinybuddha website, on a post by Lori Deschene. ‘Give up on all hope of a better past. –Matt Child’ .She sourced this from their Facebook community, and it really resonated with me. (Don’t forget any of these can be used when forgiving yourself.)
2. Forgetting. Again, another hard hurdle to over come. You have to look at it all from another point of view, you can’t change the past when its been said and done. Actions we make, or others make have been made so whats the use on hanging on to it? A step towards forgetting is to accept that fact we cannot change it and look to the present and future; know we have control over that and we can choose what happens from now on. Forgiving can greatly help when its come to forgetting certain parts to our past. Yes, I know we can’t just forget everything that has happened, the memories always resurface but knowing you can change the here and now is certainly a better picture.
3. Moving Forward. I think this is the step everyone, including myself find the hardest. Finally letting go of everything that has been weighing you down for a period of time is hard, especially when it has had a deep emotional impact on you. The key to moving forward is to look back at the past steps and use them. Begin to focus on the present, enjoy the here and now and stop reliving the past. Staying focused on today can help you stop you region over past events in your mind, however the memories will creep in every now and then. Stop being the victim in your own story, yes it may feel good and blaming others relinquishes the responsibility off of you, of your own happiness, but it only creates trouble in the long run. It’s nice to see yourself as the most important and that your emotions out trump every else at the moment, you’ve been hurt and thats all that matters. But really there are many others out there going through the same hurt, and seeing it like this reminds us that life is hard, its nasty and mean and theres no point on us hanging onto the messy bits of it. And lastly, it your choice. Its your choice as to weather you let it go and move on, no one can make it for you. The memories and the pain won’t disappear over night, though we wish they would, we have to let them go, you have to make that commitment to yourself and say ‘Thats it, I’m moving on from this. I’m letting go.’ (Cue the frozen soundtrack.) You have to make the absolute conscious decision and not go back on it, once done there is no longer time allowed for you to reminisce in the painful memories because if done this will only sabotage any attempt made on moving forward.
Your happiness is a choice only made by you, you make the final decision. No one else can do that for you. So remember, the past is done, your present and future is unmarked territory; make it your own and let it go. (Again, cue the frozen soundtrack!)
Here’s a little quote from me ‘There is no point in walking around in the grey, when the world has so much colour to offer.’
Until next time